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The Word 9
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The Word 9 (Disk 2 of 2).adf
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09-Atomic_Bomb.txt
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09-Atomic_Bomb.txt
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1996-01-17
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CONSTRUCTION PROJECT: THE ATOM BOMB
-----------------------------------
1> INTRODUCTION
---------------
Worldwide controversy has been generated recently from several court
decisions in the US which have restricted popular magazines from
printing articles which describe how make an ATOMIC BOMB. The reason
usually given by the courts is that national security would be
compromised if such information is publicly available, but, since it is
commonly known that all of the information is publicly available in most
major libraries, obviously the courts position is covering up a more
important factor - that such atomic devices would prove too difficult
for the average citizen to construct. The US cannot insult the vast
majorities by insinuating that they do not have the intelligence of a
cabbage, and thus the official press releases claim national security as
a blanket restriction.
The rumours that have unfortunately occurred as a result of widespread
misinformation can (and must) be cleared up now, for the construction
project this month is the construction of a thermonuclear device, which
will hopefully clear up any misconceptions you had about such a device.
We will see how easy it is to make a device of your own in 10 easy
steps. To have and to hold as you see fit, without any annoying
interference from the government or courts.
The project will cost between $5000 and $30000 depending on how fancy
you want the final product to be.
2> CONSTRUCTION METHOD
----------------------
1. First obtain about 50lbs of weapons grade Plutonium at your local
supplier (see note 1). A nuclear plant is not recommended as large
quantities of missing Plutonium tends to make the plant engineers
unhappy. We suggest you contact your local terrorist organisation or
perhaps the scouts in your area.
2. Please remember that Plutonium, especially pure, refined Plutonium
is somewhat dangerous. Wash your hands with soap and warm water after
handling the material, and don't allow children or animals to play on or
eat it. Any left over Plutonium dust is excellent as an insect
repellant. You may wish to keep the substance in a lead box if you can
find one in your local junk yard, but and old coffee tin will do nicely.
3. Fashion together a metal enclosure to house the device. Most common
varieties of sheet metal can be bent to disguise this enclosure as for
example, a briefcase, a lunch box, or a Ford car. Do not however, use
tin-foil.
4. Arrange the Plutonium into 2 hemi-spherical shapes, separated by
about 4cm. Use rubber cement to hold the Plutonium dust together.
Gelignite is much better, but messier to work with. Your helpful
hardware man will be able to provide you with this one.
5. Pack the TNT around the hemisphere arrangement constructed in step
4. If you cannot find Gelignite, feel free to use TNT packed in
Play-Doh or any modelling clay. Coloured clay is acceptable, but there
is no need to get fancy at this point.
6. Enclose the structure from step 5 into the enclosure made in step 3.
Use a strong glue to bind the hemisphere arrangement against the
enclosure to prevent accidental detonation which might result from
vibration or mishandling.
7. To detonate, obtain a radio controlled servo mechanism, as found in
model planes and cars. With a minimum of effort, a remote plunger can
be made that will strike a detonator cap to effect a small explosion.
These detonator caps can be found in the electrical supply section of
your local supermarket. We recommend the "Blast-o-Matic" brand since
they are no-deposit, no-return.
8. Now hide the completed device from neighbours and children. The
garage is not recommended because of high-humidity and the extreme range
of temperatures experienced here. Nuclear devices have been known to
spontaneously detonate in these unstable conditions. The hall closet or
under the kitchen sink will be perfectly suitable.
9. You are now the proud owner of a working thermonuclear device !!
It's a great ice-breaker at parties, and at a pinch could be used for
national defence.
3> THEORY OF OPERATION
----------------------
The device basically works when the detonated TNT compresses the
Plutonium into a critical mass. The critical mass then produces a
nuclear chain reaction similar to the domino chain reaction. The chain
reaction then promptly produces a big thermonuclear reaction, and there
you have it, a 10 megaton explosion !!
4> NEXT MONTH
-------------
We will learn how to clone your neighbour's wife in 6 easy to follow
steps. This project promises to be an exciting weekend, full of fun and
profit. Common kitchen utensils will be all you need.
5> NOTES
--------
1. Plutonium (PU), Atomic number 94, is a radioactive metallic element
formed by the decay of Neptunium and is similar in chemical structure to
Uranium, Saturium, Marsium, Earthium, Moonium and Mercuranium.
6> BACK ISSUES
--------------
Back issues of this magazine still available include:
Lets make test-tube babies
Lets make a solar system
Lets make an economic recession
Lets make an anti-gravity machine
Lets make contact with an alien race
End